We're all so much alike...and yet we're all so different! A child's sense of identity grows slowly and for several years isn't likely to be very secure. As children grow, they need opportunities to express their uniqueness, whether in choosing the clothes they want to wear or in developing their unique art projects. There are always times when children need to do what everyone else is doing, but there are also many times when we can support children's self-esteem by helping them carry out their own ideas.

When parents say, “You’re a terrific kid!” or “I love you,” they’re helping their children feel good about themselves. Here are some other ways that parents help their children know deep inside that they have value and worth.

Help your child feel proud of what he or she can do.

Help your child find “jobs” to do around the house. Even small jobs, like putting spoons or napkins around the table or sorting socks in the laundry, can help a child feel important and needed.

Praise your child for trying. It can be frustrating when children are learning something new, like tying shoes or writing their names. You could help them know you understand learning something new is hard, but that you think it’s wonderful that they’re trying.

Break down jobs into small pieces. For example, when you need to clean up a room with toys everywhere, ask your child to help you find all of the blocks and put them in a bucket. Then look for all the cars or all the animals. A job doesn’t seem so hard when people focus on one piece of it at a time.

Remember that discipline works best when it’s balanced with warm, loving times.

Say loving things to your child through the day. Then youy child might be more willing to listen when you need to talk about what not to do. You could say things like, "You're really helpful today!" or "Even though you didn't find it, I'm glad you wanted to help me look for it." or "You worked hard on that picture you drew!"

Children need clear and firm limits about what they CAN do and what they can NOT do. They can’t learn that by themselves. Children need to have parents set limits in caring, non-angry ways. Sometimes, too, because they’re just learning about controls, children can’t stop themselves when they’re doing something wrong – and need a parent to help by picking them up or putting a hand on their shoulder or by taking them out of the situation.

Feel good about yourself and all the strengths you bring to your parenting.

Remember that parenting is hard work. No one does it perfectly. Every person is special and unique. Each one of us has weaknesses and strengths.

We all make mistakes. When we are willing to accept and admit our mistakes, we’re helping children learn to accept their mistakes and weaknesses, too. It makes us more powerful (not less powerful) when we can say, “I lost my temper and said some things I didn’t mean. I’m sorry if I scared you or hurt your feelings.”

Think about the things that really set you off, and then think of things you can do to help yourself through those times. Can you tell when you’re starting to lose control? For example, is it just before mealtime? Maybe you and your children could eat a light snack while you’re fixing dinner or listen to soft music on the radio to help you relax.